Mary’s Heartbeat    

 

Words written for a mother after the death of her child too soon.

 

Hollowed out

From the inside,

Arms cradling air

Over a vacuum where

Your heart once beat close to mine,

My heart now beating out of time

Missing one small beat,

Disorientated by grief

A grief never intended 

By the beating heart of God.

Did His beating heart allow this?

Is He still good when children die 

And tears fall in flooding rains upon the earth?

Is God still love when loss like thickening mist

Surrounds and smothers us in dark and shrouding doubt?

Is God still love 

When a mother’s heart beats broken,

Emptied out 

Arms cradling air 

In all the spaces where 

her joy once dwelt?

Is this it?

Is death the end?

Is this grief and heaving sorrow

All the end we get?

Or does the frail thread of faith 

And Faithfulness still tie Heaven to earth 

God’s heart to mine, 

My heart to yours,

My heart beating all out of time,

Yours beating timeless now 

In Heavens breast 

Finally strong, finally whole, 

Finally beating in perfect time

With the beating heart of God.

And God is love becomes a battle cry in the dark,

Defiant in the face of drenching, drowning grief

As these shredded threads of faith 

Hold this scarred heart in place 

All beating out of time

Always missing one small beat,

Disorientated by grief.

How I wish my arms could hold you close once more

And fill my aching void with one more rise and fall, 

Of breath before you go.

One more moment 

Feeling your heart beating close to mine,

Mine now always beating out of time,

Missing one small beat,

Disorientated by grief 

In the arms of Love.